What it means to "fit in"

My well-meaning sister advised me to get J tested to see if he would be eligible for OT or PT services from the state. It took me some time & I finally agreed, only after being at peace with it. That was almost 2 months ago that I called, within a few weeks we had the screening and then the evaluation. They told me he's eligible to get therapies, due to the fact that he's not walking at 19 months (wasn't yet at the time) and not talking, he doesn't speak to people he doesn't know well. They did hear him babble a little though.

In the last few weeks so much has changed. J started walking, he's using sign language, speaking some words, brings me things he wants & more. Many of theses things we had made as goals for the therapies he was already doing. So I was very curious to see what this woman would do today.

She was puzzled as to what she could do for us & told me to be very proud, that I'm doing great with J, all of her suggestions we already do & that it was great that I was able to give him time to develop in his own way. She said she will still continue to come to help us with whatever skills we are working on, but I have a feeling that she's going to have him testing soon to see if he still qualifies. He wasn't far off to start with.

So what has changed? Was it me or him? Well both and neither at the same time. He's growing, and changing mostly on his own, I model the things for him that I always have, he's just much more interested in doing work - I use the montessori principles at home with him. I have always used my intution and follow his lead, making sure to set up situations for him to help him further develop and explore his current interests.

I have to say that felt really good today. I'm so happy to have had these experiences, they teach me so much. At the eval I noticed him doing things that he had not been doing for me, and realized that he had picked them up, just not shown me yet & also did things I had never shown him. He also didn't do things for them that he does with me all the time, he doesn't like to perform, and when he started getting comfortable with them he did more and more.

So you may wonder, why am I writing this. It is for the other parents who may be in the same situation. My son has a very strong will & I have always known that he needs to do things in his own time, only then will he blossom. So even though he may not be doing the things other children his age are typically doing, that's ok. I pay attention to what he DOES do, and much of that are things that other children aren't doing, and may not ever do.

I want him to be comfortable with who he is, and follow his intuition, sensitivity, sixth sense & so on, things that we don't normally focus on in our society, because we are taught to ignore them, that those aspects of us are useless, so we lose them. Well for me, and in the experiences I've had, I know how important they really are for everyone.

Labeling a child as slow, autistic, handicapped, etc. is sometimes a major disadvantage, not neccesarily to the child, but to the world. Whenever a child is born "different" than the norm it means that they have different abilities that they want to focus on. They are born knowing there purpose here, we judge it because most of us adults have forgotten, but, thank GOD!, I have remembered. So the gifts they came to give US, may take much longer to be realized, or even appreciated, if at all.

So next time you try to compare yourself or anyone else to the "normal standards", maybe you'll ask why & look deeper, finding what IS (instead of what isn't).

Slow & Steady

This is what I have to remember all the time with J. This morning we did some activities, and I do think I may have over done it, but glad to know that he will let me know when that happens in a gentle way.

First we cut bananas and ate them with a fork. He kept wanting to eat the knife, no worries it's a toddler knife. He did start trying to put it up with the fork, but then I relaized banana doesn't stay all that well on a fork, I know apple would have been much more successful. So I wound up giving him lots of help, and we did it.

We dropped large shaped into the soy nut butter jar, he had lots of fun with this, dropping them in, shaking the jar, taking them out, repeat...

Then I tried to play find it. With 3 trinket boxes turned upside down I hid one of the pieces with him watching, he had no interest and moved to his toys.

We will do more work later, right now he's just having fun doing his own thing. 1 activity at a time, that's best.